On Thursday morning, Madison and I got up early. We ate our breakfast and were getting ourselves ready to head to the lake for some Daddy/Daughter fishing time. As I was wrangling her around the bathroom trying to get her to brush her teeth we began to have a disagreement.

The disagreement was over when I would be brushing her hair. She demanded that I do so immediately, I tried to explain that we would as soon as we finished at the sink. Madison began to cry and said the most hurtful words she ever had to me, “I’m not going to love you if you don’t brush my hair!” 

I was hurt and immediately excused myself from the situation. I am fortunate enough to have the support of both my parents at home, my mother was able to step in and speak with Madison about being kind. After taking a moment to compose my thoughts I returned to Madison’s side. Together my mom and Madison had written the words “Be Kind” on a piece of paper. 

Seeing an opportunity for a lesson I took a blank sheet and handed it to Madison. I asked her to rip the paper and say something mean to it as she did. “You’re ugly!” She remarked. I took the paper and ripped it saying “You’re stupid!” Handing it back. Together we took turns ripping the sheet until only a few small squares remained. 

On my last turn I said to the paper “I don’t love you.” I handed all the bits back to Madison and I asked her to apologize to the paper, she did. Next, I asked her to put all the pieces back together. Her face went expressionless as she realized that it could not be done. 

I explained to Madison that those tears we put into that paper are just like mean words.  Apologies alone are not enough to fix the damage that we can do. I went onto explain that It’s ok to feel angry or mad, but it is not ok to make someone else feel bad when we do.

It’s easy for any one of us to say things we regret when we’re mad or frustrated, especially at her age. What is far more difficult is to take the time to express our feelings in a calm and thoughtful way when no matter how angry or sad we might feel. My hope is that this small lesson in kindness will resonate with Madison and help her to find ways to thoughtfully express her feelings. 

What are some “Lessons in Kindness” you’ve taught your children?