I recetly spoke to one of my “new Dad” coworkers, Jay, about the various doctor’s appointments that come along with early childhood. I mentioned that in the early years of my daughter’s life I was careful to plan my days around her milestone check-ups. I enjoyed attending with my ex-wife and I wanted to be present for all of the important milestones Mads hit.

I always felt welcome at the doctor’s office and whats more is our pediatrician was always glad to see both of us. She never seemed surprised that I was there and made sure that all of our questions were satisfied.

I recall having to escort my daughter to an appointment without her mom only once. The doctor seemed disappointed the two of us were not together, but carried on as normal. Jay described a similar situation where he had been at each appointment never missing one.

He continued that on a recent trip to the pediatricians office the doctor seemed shocked to see him, saying something to the effect of “Oh, we have Dad today? It’s nice to meet you, I’m Dr. So-n-so.” Despite having met on more than one occasion the doctor seemed to dismiss Jay’s involvement at any of the other appointments. 

Now, it is fair to assume that she was unaware that they had met previously, thanks in large part to the enormous volume of patients they are now expected to see. 

However, that doesn’t speak to why she seemed surprised that a father present to begin with. After all, I see just as many dads in the waiting room as I do moms. Perhaps there is a disparity that I’ve been fortunate enough not to see? Maybe just as likely, men are still expected to take a backseat role in parenting and society hasn’t noticed that is no longer the case?

Despite our best efforts, dads still seem to have the same image we did in 1960s television. “Be good in school and mind your mother. Oh, and here’s $5 for allowance. Now, go outside and play so I can read the paper!” 

In the modern age, dads have taken a much more active role in parenting. We are more than just breadwinners or disciplinarians. We nurture and care for our children with the same undying love and compassion as any mother. We participate and support our children and in some cases even act as the primary caregiver. Especially as more and more women choose to balance motherhood and their career. This also doesn’t account for co-parents or single fathers who may very well be the sole caregiver of a child.

No matter how visible we are to the world, our experiences as fathers are valid. Parenting is no easy task and we must continue to share the responsibility evenly reguardless of recognition. Ultimately, it’s not the pediatrician who has to see how active we are in our childs like. The only person who needs to know will see it demonstrated in the way that you interact with them.

What some other “Dad Conjectures” you’ve seen?