David Writes….
I recently came across a post online from a father named “David” asking for advice about his teenage daughter dating. He is concerned and is asking for help from the Dad Community.
“My 13 year old daughter ‘Ariana’ recently revealed that she has a boyfriend. Naturally, I immediately felt concerned when she told my wife and I earlier this week. Ariana is smart, athletic, does well in school, and I trust her to make good decisions. But I am concerned about the impact this boy may have on her emotions. I’ve never met this boy and suppose I have no real reason to be concerned. At least not yet. I feel like my fears are valid, I don’t want her to be misled by words or actions and rush into anything she’s not ready for. Her mother thinks we should let it be for now and see how things develop, but I’m not totally convinced. I would rather her not date at all, I feel like 13 is too young to worry about anything other than school and platonic friendships. Am I overreacting? What would you do if you were me?”
Mads’ Dad Writes…
Dear David,
I am happy to say, I have not yet been in your shoes! My daughter is still too young to even think about boys, but I can definitely empathize.
I think that it may be wise to have a conversation with your daughter about her new beau. Make it clear to Ariana that you trust her and know that she’s going to make good choices.
It sounds to me like you have already decided that you are against Ariana dating. If that is infact the case, you need to outline when you think it may be appropriate for her to pursue a romantic relationship. Clearly you feel that she’s too young or not mature enough for it now, so talk with her about the benchmarks and behavior you would like to see before you would feel like it would be ok.
If you and your wife decide that maybe 13 isn’t too young to begin to explore the realm of dating, make your expectations clear. Let her know that her school work, chores, extra curriculars, family, etc. come first. Establish a way of monitoring or evaluating that and stick to it.. You should also be welcoming towards her boyfriend. Take some time to get to know him and understand the type of person he is. We all know how we were at 12 or 13. The second someone told us we couldn’t do something because we were too young, we wanted to do it even more.
I think most importantly is to help her to develop her own boundaries and expectations for these types of friendships. That way, when the time comes to have an actual relationship she has a clear sense of what she is comfortable with and how to say no if need be. I will agree, her education is important but so is developing the sense of self and freedom these types of friendships create. The autonomy of building bonds with others does wonders for that, as long as a solid support system is there to help her navigate it of course.
Best,
Matt H.
What would your advice to David be? Share your thoughts below.
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