Most people never plan on becoming single parents; for some, they decide slowly over time. For others, the news just takes them by surprise. Regardless of the circumstances, being a single parent is one of the most challenging tasks a person can undertake. Not only do you need to continue to be a good parent, but you also have to help your child navigate the process while learning to deal with it yourself. 

In cases of separation and divorce, there will be a lot of confusing changes for your children. It’s difficult for them to understand the dynamics of adult relationships, and they are bound to have many questions. It’s not uncommon for them to feel hurt, angry, or confused. Sadly, it may be months or even years before they can fully process and understand the big picture. Regardless of the circumstances, your job is to help your child heal and to ensure as much normalcy and balance as possible. 

Each situation will be different, but the goal will ultimately be the same, to either heal the relationship and rebuild your family or peacefully restructure your lives in the best interest of your child. 

When my relationship ended, I was left to do the latter. To make my daughter most comfortable during that transition, I did the three following things…

Make Arrangments Early

Perhaps the single most important thing I did while I was going through my divorce was to make custody arrangements with my ex-wife early. I wanted to ensure that I protected my right to access my daughter, but more importantly, to remain a consistent figure in my daughter’s life. I was very fortunate in my situation; Madison’s mother agreed to split custody evenly. We made an arrangement that worked well for us, splitting the week as evenly as possible and agreeing to alternate the remaining day every other week. By making these arrangements quickly, we ensured some sense of normalcy for our daughter by giving her time with each of us. 

Don’t Keep Secrets

Your child knows something’s up, so don’t keep it from them. It’s important that your child understands what is happening, but not necessarily why it’s happening. Your marital issues are not something you really have to, or should, bog your children down with. Speak in general terms, about how some relationships end up not working out. Reassure your child that they have nothing to do with the end of the relationship, as children sometimes take on unnecessary guilt. Most of all, be sure that you openly express to your child that what is happening between you and your spouse does not affect the love that you hold for them, nor will it impact the relationship you have with your child. 

Explain What Happens Next

Simply put, communicate with your child, and tell them exactly what they can expect over the coming weeks and months. Leave nothing to the imagination; advise them about where they will be living, where they will be going to school, childcare arrangements, and other similar things. Your child needs that peace of mind in an otherwise uncertain time. 

A Final Thought

It is important to give yourself time to adjust and some grace during this transitional period in your life. It’s easy to lose focus on some of the less important aspects of your life, so don’t feel too bad if your car is a little messy or your yard isn’t mowed. Take every opportunity to take care of yourself along the way. Because having a physically and mentally healthy parent is just as important as everything else we discussed. 

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How did you adjust to being a single parent?